Ruth's Memoir "Still So Excited!: My Life As A Pointer Sister" - Release date: February 1, 2016
Below is Ruth's Introduction.. Some short excerpts from the book will be posted here in the coming weeks!
There are just some things you should never have to tell your children.
I’ve always tried to shield my kids from my past. I knew from the beginning of this book project that I could be opening up a Pandora’s Box. But the kids are grown. I feel my husband and I have given them enough life tools to face any ridicule that may come from making the more private parts of my life public. Not only are they old enough to understand a few things, they are old enough to forgive. Still, opening myself up to the scrutiny of the world opens them up to having to deal with the onslaught of old—and some not so old—and painful wounds.
The world has known me as part of The Pointer Sisters for over half my life. And that’s been a very public life for the most part. But when it comes down to brass tacks, there are certain truths we must all face about ourselves, and sometimes you don't always like what you see when looking into the mirror. In my case, there were a lot of things I didn't like in that reflection. I would like to say that I saw a stranger, but what I saw was the true reflection of who I was. An alcoholic, a drug addicted woman who thought more about getting high than her family. I was a torn soul and I didn’t like it. But I couldn’t do anything to set things right. At least that is what I allowed myself to believe. But the beautiful thing about being broken is that it allows you to pick up the pieces of your life, if that's the route you want to go. And I did so want to journey along the path of sobriety. I just didn’t know how to fit the pieces of the puzzle that was me together. So I lived with the beautiful lies I told myself. They were so much more palpable than the ugly truth.
Self-deception binds you to a spider web of excuses; it chokes your humanity right out of your soul. I had children I had to raise and here I was waiting for God to slap me in the face and chastise me for my failures. The truth was I didn’t feel a real kinship with God. I was never going to be perfect and I knew that from the time I was a child in my parents’ church. I had no sense of God’s mercy or his love. I had no clue that His grace would set me free. And God knows that I had been searching for that freedom since I could walk.
There was a certain slavery, a vicious poverty in my unrequited journey toward accepting the truth about myself. It’s been a long path of muddy self-indulgence: cocaine, alcohol, food, and sex. God felt distant. I was lost, but angry. I was bound by the notion that my lifestyle wasn’t hurting anyone, yet deep inside I knew that if I didn’t straighten myself out soon that I would die, leaving my kids without a mom.
Sometimes you need silence in order to listen to God whisper to you … and he’s been whispering to me a lot lately. I think he’s been telling me it’s time.
This year I celebrate my third decade of sobriety. It wasn’t an easy adjustment and it took a near death experience to get my undivided attention. But I have been faithful. I have been diligent. And it has taken years for my life to settle down. I do not take my sobriety for granted. After all, it is a gift from God.
I have shared my story with my 12-step groups (you read that correctly – it is plural), and others who have needed guidance but never with the public. God’s timing is always perfect and I had to wait for my cue.
So, let the music begin.